About Emotional Mastery

How to build confidence in 10 steps

In this post, I will teach you how to raise your self-esteem, become more self-confident, and eliminate self-doubt. If you follow these suggestions, you should have no problem becoming more confident.

Ed Latimore, author, blogger, and retired pro boxer
Ed Latimore Author, retired boxer, self-improvement enthusiast

There are many ways to be a confident person.

An important part of personal development is building up your self-image and self-worth. Your self-image and self-worth come from your self-confidence. Your self-confidence comes from your accomplishments and various learning experiences, both good and bad.

Self-confidence is paramount to achieving any goal. If you think of yourself as a failure, you’re always going to fail.

In fact, I’d say that a lack of confidence–not lack of ability–is the reason that many people are not successful. Low self-confidence produces low quality outcomes.

However, you’re more successful when you have high self-esteem. But you only get high self-esteem from being successful. This is a classic “chicken and the egg” type of problem.

In this post, I will teach you how to raise your self-esteem, become more self-confident, and eliminate self-doubt. If you follow these suggestions, you should have no problem becoming more confident.

1. Lack of Self-Confidence Comes From Negative Self-Talk

There is no such thing as failure if you actually went for something but the outcome wasn’t what you desired. Yes, you didn’t get what you wanted but you did learn something. These learning experiences are how we become better and more confident in our abilities.

There are no real failures. The better word choice is a learning experience. No one makes progress without suffering setbacks and missteps. If you call a “learning experience” a “failure”, then you’ve chosen to describe an event that’s necessary to your personal growth in negative terms.

The reality is this: You’re only a failure if you don’t learn from your mistakes. And even then, sometimes it just takes a while. The one thing that will guarantee it takes longer is is negative self-talk when you go through these things.

 As long as you’re improving and learning, you’re never truly failing. You may learn slowly but if the trend is accumulation rather than degradation, you’re doing just fine.

Small improvements, over time, result in big-time change. Focus on improving the process. The outcome will take care of itself.

(Read: “How To Get Your Life Together”)

2. Believe that nothing is impossible

The universe says only two things are impossible: perpetual motion and violation of causality. In other words, everything runs out of energy and you can’t reverse the flow of time.

If it’s been done before, it can be done again. It may be difficult. It may require you to get out of your own mind and comfort zone. It may put you force you to endure tough times and demand more than you’re willing or able to give.

But whatever you want can be acquired and whatever you want to do can be done.

You’re missing out on the best things in life because you believe greatness is impossible for you. Nothing is impossible. Believe this, even when the circumstances say otherwise.

(Read: “10 Ways To Quickly Become A Better Person”)

3. You are insignificant

Scientists estimate that the universe is about 13.82 billion years old. I’ll write it again differently so that the point is made. The universe is 13,000,000,000,000 years old.

That’s 15 digits long. You’re only going to live 2 digits long. Maybe 3, if you’re really lucky. This means that your life is effectively worthless. The blink of an eye last 300 to 400 milliseconds. That’s roughly a 1/3 of a second. If the universe were an eye, you don’t even live for 1/10 of its blink.

This means that you don’t have time to worry if you’ll fail or succeed. You can make this time whatever you want it to be, and in 150 years, no one alive will have ever seen you in person. This gives you the freedom to be free and take on whatever challenges you want.

It may not seem like the thought of your impending doom should make you feel free, but the key is looking at this with the state of mind: your level of self-confidence is often tied to what people think of you. Since you and them will one day no longer exist, realizing that should set you free.

Even if look at a smaller time scale, people are worried about themselves way more than they’re worried about you. I’ve found that low confidence typically correlates with a high level of self-consciousness. However, the reality is that no one in your real life social situations or on social media is worried about you. 

Don’t worry about what others think of you, because they aren’t going to be alive or matter much to you in the long run. And neither are you. So you better make the most of this eye blink of an existence.

Attacking The Challenges In Life With Confidence

4. When building confidence, do what makes you happy

“Happiness” is what psychologist like to describe as “subjective well-being”. I’m not a fan of subjective life advice, so I’ll make this more concrete. According to Positive Psychology:

A person who has a high level of satisfaction with their life, and who experiences a greater positive affect and little or less negative affect, would be deemed to have a high level of SWB [or in simpler terms, be very happy]

Research shows that there is a significant relationship between self-esteem and happiness. There’s also research that shows that happiness is a significant predictor of self-esteem. What’s the lesson here?

Do what makes you happy to avoid low self-esteem. Do the thing which overlaps with your minimum income requirements for a stress-free life and brings you the greatest enjoyment.

Most people mess this one up. As a result, they lack confidence for one of two reasons: they spend their life doing something they hate or they’re broke as hell. It’s hard to be confident when you hate most of your life. It’s also hard to be confident if you’re broke with no prospects for making money.

5. Money neither provides nor deprives you of happiness

People who say that money can’t buy happiness have it wrong. People who say that it CAN also have it wrong. Money buys freedom. Financial freedom is nice, but if your mind is still enslaved then it doesn’t matter how much money you have.

Though their financial limitations are eradicated, lottery winners often fall back into debt. Their minds are still enslaved to poverty.

Prisons are full of people who chased financial freedom, but their minds were still enslaved to low-level thought.

The more freedom you have, the more confident you can be in your daily life. You have shackles on your mind which keep you from taking chances. Taking chances is the only way to be happy and confident. Free your mind to be confident.

(Read: “The Basic Bro Beginner’s Guide To Making Money Online”)

6. Vanity, superiority or arrogance can be powerful tools for building self-confidence

If you need to channel vanity or the need to feel superior to act, then so be it. When I feared talking to girls during the day, I made myself act by not caring what people thought.

When I realized that a lot of my friends were just as scared, I made myself act. I did this because I thought I was better than them. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant. All that matters is that I took action. The action got me results.

The more action you take, the easier it is to fool yourself into being confident. This is because nothing makes you feel better than success.

Overthinking is the greatest barrier to success. This is the infamous analysis paralysis. The cure is simple: act first, worry later.

(Read: “How To Be Competitive”)

7. “Fake it till you make it” can work for building self-confidence

I once read that “it’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think yourself into a new way of acting”. Confidence is a state of mind and nothing else.

At the end of the day, it’s a thought process that makes you act with the conviction that your desires will come to pass. If you take physical action that leads you closer to your desire–even if you don’t believe you can do it when you start–your confidence will gradually increase.

Doing it the opposite way doesn’t work. Psyching yourself up makes you nervous. This makes success less likely. Then we’re back at step 1.

Physical action is the easiest way to fake it until you make it. When you move towards your goal, you believe that it’s possible. This is “faking it till you make it”.

8. Very few things in this world are objectively true

The only thing that matters is what you believe. This is a powerful trick you can use to build confidence.

Learn to lie to yourself.

A convincing lie that gets you to act is more useful than a thousand truths explaining why you’ll fail. When objective reality and your subjective perspective clash, you’ll feel resistance from the universe. The more outrageous your perspective, the harder reality will try to beat you into submission.

Believe anything you want about yourself that isn’t impossible. If it makes you feel confident that you’ll achieve your goal, it doesn’t really matter. Reality wants things to be one way, but your confidence gives you the power to make things another way.

9. Almost nothing works the right way the first time

Or the second time. And most times not on the tenth try either. Who knows how long it’ll take but as long as you’re learning from each time, you’ll get there eventually.

All that matters is that you continue to take small steps towards achieving your goals. Successful people understand that taking small steps and achieving small goals is not only how they succeed, but how they raise their confidence levels.

It takes patience to build confidence and realize that not all change is instantaneous Most people are going to give up on their dreams. They won’t sweat, suffer, and endure the disappointment.

The world will destroy your confidence if you believe everything you do should have an instant effect. You will behave like a petulant child if you approach the world and your dreams in this manner.

10. Always give back to the world in whatever capacity you can

No matter where you are in life, there is something that you can do to make another person’s life better. There is some lesson that only you can impart.

Even a murderer on death row can serve as a reminder to people about the pitfalls of life to avoid. You can either be a great example or a horrible warning.

Watching people improve their lives or avoid tragedy from your advice will help you build confidence. Helping the world has a weird way of coming back to you.

Ed Latimore, author, blogger, and retired pro boxer
Ed Latimore Author, retired boxer, self-improvement enthusiast

Further Reading

Ed Latimore’s Forgiveness Quotes
4 signs it’s time to end a friendship
How to be chill in 5 steps
How to say “I forgive you” and letting go of the past