Men With No Sexual Discipline Are Dangerous

I was 22, still in a relationship that was on the verge of ending, and my friend brought his girlfriend over one day. Now, at this point, he wasn’t my good friend, but he was still cool enough that I shouldn’t have slept with her.

I am not one of those people who say they have no regrets. I regretted the hell out of that decision, mainly because the girl was an absolute psycho, and 18 years later, she still ranks as the worst human I’ve ever personally interacted with.

We’ll get more into the story in the rest of the video, but the big takeaway at this point is that it all happened because I lacked sexual discipline.

If a man can’t control his sex drive, he’s not just a problem for himself, but a problem for everyone around him.

Just so we’re on the same page, let’s define “sexual discipline.”

Sexual discipline is just your ability to control your sexual urges rather than be controlled by them. That’s it.

There are a lot of guys out there who will tell you that with sexual discipline, you can achieve sexual transmutation and have the energy and output of 10 men! I’m skeptical of those claims, but I will say this—and it directly relates to the video—your sex drive is arguably the most powerful drive you have, only possibly coming in second to your desire to avoid pain or protect your kids.

And since you need sex to get children, that’s covered there. As for avoiding pain…every guy watching this has a story of something stupid, dangerous, and almost certainly painful—if not in actuality, but at least potentially—in the pursuit of girls.

If a guy will walk 5 miles, mostly uphill, at 2 am, during a snowstorm just because a girl on the other side of campus texted him “Wyd?,” and he knows he’s gotta be to work at 9 a.m.—I may or may not be talking about myself—imagine what else he’ll do if that sex drive is in control of him, not vice versa.

When people think about sexual discipline, or lack thereof, the first thing that comes to mind is a dude who tries to bang everything in sight, and he doesn’t care what he has to do or who gets hurt along the way.

The immediate danger of men with no sexual discipline

For men, you won’t ever be able to bring your girl around this dude. Even if you trust her to never do anything or even remotely entertain his flirtations, now you’ve gotta deal with your girl feeling uncomfortable, and if this dude only thinks with his little head, you might have to smash him in his big head, and that brings a whole new set of legal problems.

And I want to be clear here. I’m not talking about fighting with a guy over him trying to make a pass at your girl. That’s a different kind of low sexual discipline that we’ll get into later.

I’m talking about dudes who don’t get the hint and repeatedly cross the line.

Yeah, you should just stop hanging out with the guy before it ever gets to that point, but even your habitual line-crossers gotta cross the line for the first time, and sometimes the first time is more of a leap than a tiptoe. Then you have to react.

For women, these are the types of dudes who will take it. Or, at the very least, put you in situations where saying no is scary, even if he doesn’t threaten you. Then, at that point, it basically is taking it, and a lot of juries have agreed with me.

And in this case, I want to make what I’m saying perfectly clear. There is a world of difference between having buyer’s remorse the next day and relenting to pressure because the alternative appears to be way worse.

Men with no sexual discipline are the type to stalk a woman and then try to blow up her house when she doesn’t respond. That’s not an exaggeration. I know a guy doing 10 years for that, and I tell the story here.

The point is that the sex drive is so powerful that if a man doesn’t have control over it, or at least reasonable restraints that aren’t weakened by Hennessy and Captain Morgan, he can cause a lot of mayhem.

But it doesn’t just stop there.

Chasing sex cost this guy his home

There’s a story I tell in my book, Hard Lessons From The Hurt Business: Boxing and The Art of Life—read two free chapters or buy it here—about this guy who was my roommate when I was training for the Olympic trials out in Los Angeles.

We’ll call him PR, not because I want to protect his identity—fuck that guy, and you’ll see why I feel that way shortly—but because my wife, my agent, and my editor all told me that he could sue me if I used his real name in a defamatory manner.

In the second draft, I actually used his real initials instead of his name—PR aren’t his real initials—and I was told that was still too close. If anyone watching this video was part of All-American Heavyweights, you know exactly which bald-headed asshole I’m talking about.

Anyhow, this guy was a designated sparring partner, but he didn’t even have an amateur fight. That was cool because he could fight, I’ll give him that.

He wanted to fight in the Ringside tournament in Kansas City. The program wouldn’t pay, but they gave him the time off to fight in the tournament if he couldn’t get there on his own dime.

So this guy buys his ticket, and Coach Bray—shout out to John Bray—let him stay in his hotel room. PR decides to not only go out to hook up with a stripper the night before his first amateur fight, but he also brings the stripper back to the room and bangs her in the hotel room.

Now we weren’t staying in budget suites. These were regular rooms, so this dude decided to hook up with the girl right there while Coach Bray was in the bed next to him.

That got PR kicked out of the program and made him homeless, because he’d spent that $1200 a month they were paying him on gear to look sharp to chase girls. I bought a knock-off polo shirt and a Gucci jacket from him for $120, which I still wear to this day.

And you’d think that’d be the end of his making bad decisions and lack of sexual discipline, but he ended up staying at some type of shelter, and the guy would pay me so he could bring girls to the apartment he got kicked out of.

I initially didn’t care because the program paid my rent, but then he started breaking into the apartment when I wasn’t there, and that’s when law enforcement got involved. And I wish I could blame youth for this lack of sexual discipline, but he was 35 years old at this point. That’s the destructive power of an unregulated sex drive.

Guys will be in their 30s, homeless, and be so obsessed with sex that it gets them fired from their jobs and arrested.

Sometimes the worst thing that can happen is getting what you want

Now, a lot of younger guys are not only going to have a problem with sexual discipline, but they’ll view a lack of it as a badge of honor.

And I get it, having been a young dude chasing lots of women, but I can tell you that in a lot of these cases, getting what you want is one of the worst things that can happen to you.

As always, I like to get the obvious out of the way—most of your interactions will turn out harmless. It’ll just be a good time between consenting young adults. But people are awful at imagining the worst-case scenario and planning accordingly. At the very least, everyone thinks that they’re going to be the exception.

Let’s start with the often-forgotten basics. You’re probably going to catch something. Now, the odds of you picking up a case of the “hivs” or HIV are small, but there’s been an alarming rise in the number of STDs contracted. Condoms prevent this, but do you think guys without sexual discipline are using condoms?

Some of them are, but based on the numbers I’ve linked in the description, most of them aren’t. Instead, they rely on “pull out game.” Which, to me, just sounds crazy.

It takes more effort and energy to pull out than it would to just exercise discipline. And this is the mildest outcome, assuming your pull-out game is everything you believe it is.

I know a few guys who are stuck in the same position at 40 as they were at 22 because they got stuck paying child support, so they never had time or the chance to develop themselves and get better-paying careers.

And that says nothing about the mental anguish that comes from dealing with someone for two decades who was supposed to just be fun.

After that, here’s what guys don’t think about until they’re in a position where they’re forced to:

A lot of girls are crazy. That craziness can manifest in something as “harmless” as stalking or telling you she’s on birth control, to something as crazy as destroying your property or getting other guys to hurt you.

In my case, with the girl who was dating my friend, I ended up with a girl who got pregnant by a completely different dude, had me believing the kid was mine, and ended up living with my mom—even after she knew better.

I got off lucky with a DNA test and a worse relationship with my mom, but we already had our issues.

But aside from issues with almost raising a kid who wasn’t mine, this highlights another reason why men without sexual discipline can’t be trusted.

Some men kill over infidelity—even if they’re the ones cheating

These guys will sleep with your girl. I know that, because I was one of those guys.

And we can all agree that, rationally and logically, if this happens, you should just leave the girl and cut the friend off, and that should be the end of it. But when have humans ever done the rational, logical thing—especially when our emotions are running high, and we feel betrayed?

Guys have killed over infidelity. And not even psychos with a history of domestic abuse. The numbers are fuzzy here, and we’re going to make some crude estimates, but I’ve linked to my sources in the references because this is important to the point I want to make.

In “intimate partner murders”—a term to cover not just marriages but any murder that involves two people in a sexual relationship—jealousy or infidelity is cited as the motivation 14-57% of the time.

The range is wide because the motive isn’t officially recorded during trial or sentencing, so different research studies examine different samples, use different methods, and reach different conclusions. Either way, the point here is that even suspicion of a guy’s woman sleeping with someone else—even if there’s no proof—has led to homicide.

But interestingly, when we dig deeper, we see another trend.

While the majority of intimate partner murders are preceded by at least one domestic violence report or charge against the perpetrator, about 20% of them aren’t.

Now, of course, just because the cops didn’t get called doesn’t mean there was no domestic violence. About 50% of incidents go unreported, so we’ll just say that 10% of these murders had no prior history of violence, yet 14-57% of them are found to have jealousy as the motivator.

In other words, dudes snap and ruin the lives of everyone around them. A lot of these guys go on to murder the cheating guy too, but what’s not looked at so much is how many guys kill their partners because *he’s* the one having the affair.

I couldn’t find any credible stats on this, but I’ve been watching a lot of 48 Hours episodes, and the number of guys who kill their wives because they wanted a way out of the marriage to be with their mistress is crazy.

There’s the infamous case of Christopher Lee Watts, the guy who took out his wife and two daughters, just to float off with a new girl.

There was a great Netflix documentary about this incident, and it highlights another dangerous quality of men with no sexual discipline, albeit in the most grotesque and macabre way possible.

No sexual discipline means a guy will do anything for sex

When I watched American Murder: The Family Next Door—the Netflix documentary about the Watts family murders—something stood out to me. Christopher was a nerdy, socially awkward guy who struggled with his weight and was painted as a dude who never had luck with women.

Then a girl at work flirted with him a little, and he lost his mind.

I’ve always said that you can’t trust a man who doesn’t get attention from women because the second he gets even a whiff of some vagina, he’ll sell out his best friend to get more.

This guy took it a step further: because he was such a coward, rather than just leaving his wife and dealing with being a bad guy—the documentary did a great job of showing his inability to handle criticism—he did a LOT more than just sell out the homies.

This is the other side of poor sexual discipline that doesn’t get enough attention.

If a man can’t attract women, he is generally pretty good at accepting his lot in life and even becoming almost proud to be an incel. But the moment a girl gives this type of dude some attention, he will destroy everything to keep getting it.

I’ve seen guys cut their entire family off just to avoid pissing off their source of sexual pleasure. Remember, you can’t have discipline without temptation. And you can’t have temptation unless you’re capable of acquiring what you’re tempted by.

Otherwise, you’re at best just fantasizing and at worst, jealous. If you want to know how dangerous uncontrolled sexual desire really is, don’t look at pickup artists or red-pill forums—look at how government intelligence agencies take advantage of weak-willed men.

Red Sparrows: When sex is used to crush weak men

During the Cold War, the KGB didn’t just stumble into using sex to flip people. They institutionalized it. They had a formal system for it. A playbook.

Female agents, called “swallows,” were trained to seduce targets and elicit information from them. The 2013 film Red Sparrow is based on this Soviet practice of training female agents to seduce male targets.

They’d identify a man with access—military, diplomatic, scientific—and then send in a woman whose only job was to make him feel wanted. Desired. Alive. Important.

Once he crossed the line, that was it. There were pictures, recordings, and all the evidence to pressure a man into becoming a traitor. He could lose his marriage, his job, and his reputation—or start cooperating.

Now the man had leverage applied to him that didn’t require torture or threats. Just shame.

And men will give up astonishing amounts of loyalty to avoid public humiliation.

Guys like Sir Geoffrey Harrison, Clayton J. Lonetree, and John Vassall are names of guys who lost their careers and years of freedom behind bars.

And before you think this only applies to spies and government secrets, let me bring it back down to earth.

You can’t trust a man who never gets attention from women—not because he’s bad, but because when he finally does, he often loses his damn mind.

That’s exactly what happened with Christopher Watts.

By all accounts, he was a quiet, unremarkable guy. Not particularly successful with women. Then a woman at work flirted with him. Gave him attention. Made him feel desired.

And instead of just leaving his marriage and dealing with being the bad guy, he annihilated his entire family.

Now obviously, that’s an extreme case—but it exposes something uncomfortable:

When a man has no sexual discipline, sex doesn’t just become a priority. It becomes the organizing principle of his decisions.

He’ll betray friends, abandon family. And torch his future.

He’ll sell out—or cut out—anyone standing between him and the source of that validation.

And ladies, if you date one of these men, know that he’ll either use and discard you, manipulating your emotions with false promises along the way. Or he might end your life.

A lack of sexual discipline is a big problem in any guy, but it’s not the only one you need to watch out for, and this is both for men who befriend them and women who want to date them.