You can’t force relationships to develop

By Ed Latimore Last modified

The progression of a romantic relationship cannot be forced

It must evolve naturally, over time. Impatient, insecure, or damaged people try to force a relationship to develop quickly. However, these things are on an essentially pre-determined course.

The perfect example: that posts you see on Facebook where someone celebrates every month they’ve been in a relationship. There’s a major post for every 2-month, 4-month, 8-month anniversary.

By definition, you can only have an anniversary once a year. They’re trying to take a year’s worth of time and compress it. Relationships and time don’t work that way. You have to put the actual time in and then a year assumes its proper significance.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “The people who do this are just happy to make it to 6 months because their other relationships failed”. You’re right.

But they don’t realize their selection process is the problem. Rather, they feel lucky when something works and they make it into a big deal.

This is a person trying to use emotions to change facts, rather than facts to change emotions. Rather than changing themselves or adjusting their approach, they try to force feelings in an attempt to change reality. This pushes away anyone with options and a sense of normalcy.

We also see this flawed concept of forced development at play with people who are blunt and upfront with their intentions, and expect you to do the same. This is another attempt to compress time. It’s also coupled with laziness.

The red flags

Generally speaking, avoid any guy who’s explicit upfront and any girl who’s “tired of playing games”. These declarations are made by a person who lacks either the skill or the patience for proper seduction.

They don’t want do the work of self-development to become more attractive. They’re lazy. Since they also lack patience, they try to circumvent and break the rules of seduction. The rules set forth by society and biology.

A poker metaphor for life

Relationships are like high-stakes games of poker. By making the best legal plays over time, you give yourself the best chance to win. There are different phases—the flop, the turn, and the river. Each section demands different skills and has different objectives. If you make a bad play, you’re punished and you will lose.

You should learn something from each play in order to better yourself. The problem comes when you keep losing and playing and losing. Instead of learning why you lost, you move out of turn (force development). Or you force the opponent to do what you want so the win looks natural (forced intentions).

Eventually, you get banned from most games. Only the worst players—skill and morals wise—will let you sit at the table.