I have a lot of content about becoming a better man and meeting women, but I don’t have any content about being a woman. Mainly, because I’m not one. But I’ve gotten some demand, so I asked matchmaker and relationship consultant Dr. Taylor Burrowes *to write a guest post on becoming a high-value woman. *
What should you be doing to put yourself in a position to meet the right kind of man for a serious romantic relationship?
It’s not just about having feminine energy or feminine characteristics. Those things matter—especially in the pursuit and maintenance of an intimate relationship. But they aren’t the only high-value woman traits you need to be a desirable woman.
You need emotional maturity, spiritual stability, and sexual desirability. Unfortunately, too many women focus only on the last part. They think that having a “slim waist, pretty face, and a big ol’ ass” is the only thing that matters to be a high-value woman. Plenty of women have that trait, either organically or they just pay for it.
Brazilian Butt LIfts, Gastric Bypass Surgery, Breast Implants, and Plastic Surgery might be prohibitively expensive for some of us, but not all of us. Plenty of women have put these things on credit cards anyway.
Becoming a high-value woman Is about embodying a few important traits. This is a woman:
- With healthy boundaries
- Strong sense of pride, but not arrogance
- Self-respect
- Genuine desire to be feminine
- Who is a compassionate person
- A positive but serious approach to life
- With a deep sense of purpose
- Who is a well-rounded person with a balanced life
- Strong sense of what it means to be a woman, internally and externally
This is what a high-quality woman looks like, but these traits are impossible to see with the naked eye. Dating coaches rarely discuss them and their importance to high-value men and high-value dating. The truth is this:
It doesn’t matter if you have a bunch of standards. If you want to date a quality, high-value man, you need to be a quality, high-value woman. There is no way around that if you want to be valued for anything more than the sexual desire you can make a man feel.
To meet the love of your life that also meets your standards, you need to hone your intuition, develop healthy boundaries, and clarify your core values and ideal lifestyle. Pour yourself into your family and self-care, and weed out any toxic people you have a social relationship with.
It should go without saying that you need to stop entertaining any intimate relationship with “fuckbois” and losers who take your time. These are the obvious things you need to do, but what else is necessary to make you into the caliber of woman that is both highly respected and desire, and for more than just her looks?
The rest of this article are specific steps to follow to become a high-value woman that can meet and be with a high-value man. I learned these lessons the hard way and now I’m teaching them to you so you don’t have to.
9 traits of a high-value woman
1) Be a good listener and an effective communicator
Be honest, patient, empathic, and kind with your words.
This means you are supportive, not just to your man, but to the people around you. You want to be a generous woman with your praise and support to people close to you or those who look to you for guidance.
Your potential mate will require a woman who can support him without mothering or nagging him. This caliber of woman will also be able to take criticism without becoming negative, withdrawn, or combative.
Communication is such an important part of a relationship that you need to be both a good transmitter and receiver of your feelings and intentions. If you have trouble with this, it may be because you have trouble being direct. This is often a trait of feminine women, and it can spell disaster when it comes to navigating problems in a relationship.
You’ll have to be direct about how you feel about things, but that doesn’t mean you need to be aggressive or disagreeable.
2) Don’t waste your precious time in relationships that you know are going nowhere
In regard to my first marriage, the whole experience lasted for 9 years from start to finish. It wasn’t all bad, we had some good times, and there was love there. But that’s nearly a decade of my life wasted in a relationship that I knew was going nowhere.
We just weren’t the right match. I made a mistake. He made a mistake. We each married the wrong person. And I knew it, but I married who I thought was my best option because he felt safe. I stayed with him, wasting valuable time I can’t get back because I took the easy way.
It unraveled quickly after the wedding until one day, three years later, I left. Then it took us three years to finalize the divorce, and I learned a lot about myself during that time.
[Definitely read this list, so you know all the red flags a man shows before his true colors come out—> Red flags in men list here]
Ladies, you have to remember that our time is precious. Even if you don’t want to get married, you have to remember that it gets harder to date and evoke genuine desire in a man the older we get. This isn’t just about aging, though that’s part of it.
Every moment spent in a relationship you know has no real potential is energy towards habits, expectations, and baggage that you’ll carry into the dating market when you inevitably return. This will make it harder for you to meet someone because you’ll be FAR less likely to approach dating with positive energy, clear-minded desire, and a willingness to be open.
3) Don’t mistake attachment for compatibility
Many assume emotional intensity is a substitute for relationship compatibility, but it’s not. Sexual attraction is only a supplement to emotional attraction, not a replacement.
You need all the ingredients for a healthy foundation in a relationship when sexual desire fades with age and the ugly toll that life can take on you. You don’t need a perfect relationship, Just one with a strong foundation based on things that get stronger over time, not weaker.
The equation I show clients to get them to understand how this works is: Ideal Relationship = Logic + Desire + Love.
These elements must each be fulfilled to a sufficient level for the relationship to be successful.
If you have to put a number on it to help guide yourself, consider 8 out of 10 a solid place to be. The problems start when there’s a deficit in one area, and you think the other areas can compensate for it.
In the case of my first marriage, all three areas were lacking significantly.
I should have known better, but no one gets into marriage hoping for divorce. Many are just naive and ill-prepared.
Despite my academic knowledge and professional expertise, I lacked awareness in some important areas that mainstream relationship advice and well-intentioned parents neglect to warn us all about.
My personal experience was no different than most.
4) Establish a good relationship with work and finances
You should not be married to your career, but you should be productive, competent, and disciplined with life responsibilities.
An ideal man will need you to be trustworthy and capable of protecting his assets and honoring the family legacy.
You also should be able to take care of yourself and make money, but not so much that makes you a less feminine woman. This is something that many women struggle with as well.
A lot of us grew up getting the message that we need to be strong and independent, and that’s certainly important. However, that message has been delivered at the expense of the natural dynamic that a relationship between a man and a woman needs.
No man wants his woman to be solely reliant on him. Most men don’t even care if you make more money than him and honestly would see that as a blessing, The issue arises when your career either takes away from your intimate relationship or, because of what’s required to succeed, it starts to erode at woman traits outside of the job.
5) Be passionate and feminine
This doesn’t mean you should wipe out all your masculine traits.
You need a healthy balance of masculine and feminine qualities to be most effective in a healthy relationship. But as the woman in the relationship, you play the biggest role in bringing softness, love, and playfulness to the dynamic.
This includes taking good care of your body, beauty, aesthetics, and overall fitness.
It includes being an excellent communicator, nurturing, and supportive.
Sadly, certain ideas about feminity are portrayed as negatives by the mainstream media, but the next someone tells you that being submissive, nurturing, and agreeable are negatives, make sure they’re in a long happy relationship.
Many people talk about what should and should not happen in a relationship but have never been in a relationship themselves.
6) Take care of your health, happiness, and home with the utmost urgency
Emotional stability, emotional regulation, and peace of mind are important assets to cultivate.
An ideal man will not want to look after you like a child. Nor will he burn with desire or gratitude for you if you neglect these basic necessities.
This means being a kind, clean, fit, classy lady. There isn’t a lot to say here that isn’t painfully obvious.
It’s hard to feel sexual attraction for someone who doesn’t take care of themselves or their environment. If you want your potential mate to want to get close to you, smell nice, groom yourself, clean your home, and stay in shape,.
7) Ground yourself in good principles, grace, and class
Being sexy and charming may get an ideal man’s attention, but it won’t generate genuine desire. To get that, you have to exude the qualities he wants in a ride-or-die life partner and the future mother to his children.
Know the right place and time to peel back the layers of intimacy with him without losing your integrity. Demonstrate self-restraint where appropriate and be more reserved with others.
Most modern, westernized women have been taught the exact opposite.
They’ve been encouraged to be selfish, brash, and impulsive without consequences. And men continue to shower them with attention if they are halfway decent looking. But these aren’t the men you want attention from.
Instead of changing their own poor behaviors or inadequacies, most women blame men yet continue to date these same types of men. Precious time and youth are lost when you engage in this behavior. Sure, it’s natural for a woman to have a phase where she is overwhelmed by the attention she may get, but if being a high-value woman is important to you, then this phase has to be cut short and NEVER revisited.
8) Develop the right skills and hobbies
If you want to work, travel, marry, have children, and do something meaningful with your life, then come up with a plan.
You don’t have to have a perfect blueprint, but you should be able to connect to the visceral idea of what makes you authentically happy.
What kinds of activities should you be doing that will invest and contribute to that blueprint coming true? Do more of that.
This is where you’re going to find your future husband.
You might not recognize him now if you came across him because you’re not the kind of woman he would notice either, you’re not doing the things you share in common…yet.
[It’s important to remember that you can’t force relationships to develop. Click on the link to read why and what to do instead—> Read here]
Practical hobbies and skills to help you meet a high-value man:
- Carve out time for creative pursuits, physical activities, cooking classes, etc
- Attend church/activities if that’s right for you
- Learn about other cultures, literature, art, etc..
- Practice a craft, talent, skill
- Walk to places instead of driving when possible and engage with your surroundings
- Talk to strangers politely to create pleasant moments in their day
- Serve your community or volunteer
- Take a course of study in an area of interest (online or in real life)
- Develop any practical life skills needed
- Explore means of business/income growth
- Meet new healthy groups of people in your city over shared interests, etc.
- Prioritize family and close friends
- Get your personal/financial affairs in order
- Work on improving your personal health, fitness, aesthetics, and emotional regulation
9) Find your calling
There are an endless amount of ways to explore the life you want, you have to have courage, commitment, and clarity on your “why” or purpose.
Do you know what your calling is?
Making conscious decisions about your life and living aligned with what matters to you will allow you to radiate contentment and beauty naturally.
Any healthy man will be smitten by that energy and honored to claim you as his lady.
Don’t believe me? Try it and see. But you have to commit to it and trust the process.
A final reminder about becoming an attractive high-value lady
It’s time to focus on the important things and be more intentional about what and who you connect to.
Honor your time and energy with the standards of this future life you have set your sights on, and you will see it get closer daily.
You’ll look back in a few years stunned at everything you’ve built for yourself on your own terms that came to fruition as if it were a dream come true.
Why not, you earned it! And I promise you, it feels amazing.
What are you waiting for? Or is it who? Don’t wait around to be rescued, start to clear the way for your future mister to cross paths with you.
He can take over when he finds you, but by then, you’ll have proven you’re a worthy partner and teammate to yourself as much as to him.
This is how you build a healthy foundation for an Ideal Relationship with your Ideal Partner…by becoming your Ideal Self.
Dr. Taylor Burrowes is the creator of The Vetting System, a systematic way to find your ideal lover. You can follow her for more relationship advice onYoutube, Twitter, orInstagram.
