There’s not a lot of information out there for how to get into a relationship. Most out there is on how to run Game. A quick search on the internet reveals how to become more attractive, aggressively flirt with and pick-up girls, get one-night stands, and manage multiple women.
This is all good if these are your goals. Even if you don’t want to build a modern day harem, a lot of the advice will make you better. As you become more attractive, your options will increase in both quality and quantity.
Your scarcity problem becomes one of over-abundance. Congratulations! According to 99% of dating advice, you’ve beat the game. You’re now on a wonderful cycle of success.
You’re aloof and hard to get because you have genuine abundance. Your aloofness makes you more attractive, thus giving you more options. You beat the Game.
Except you didn’t because you’re a human being. Though there is a trend towards some guys discussing how to manage emotions, there is remarkably little information out there for guys who reach this stage and develop new problems.
The player lifestyle is cool, but what if you want to be in a relationship?
What most tell you if you ask how to get into a relationship
Most information says “fuck feelings and go get with a bunch of other chicks”. Then there’s the other extreme; “dive right in, use your game powers to make this work, may the odds forever be in your favor”. Both are unsatisfactory because they ignore the reality of your emotions.
First, you need to a know if a girl is relationship material. This is one of those things you only gain insight into after a few bad experiences.
The problem with being human is that sex and intimacy cloud rational judgment. Even the most hardcore player is susceptible to heartbreak. Your goal is to decrease the probability of disaster. One of the ways this is done is via a screening protocol.
Put another way, you must learn to assess risk. This isn’t a post about how to run game or how to get your value up. There’s so much information on the internet about those topics I could hardly add anything.
This isn’t a post about relationship management. There’s considerably less information about that topic on the net. However, it’s useless to learn relationship management if you’re in one you shouldn’t be.
Risk assessment is important
I’m not going to break down the science of the matter here, but when you’re physical with someone and you spend time around them, you start to feel attached to them. The feeling of attachment is so intense that all sense of rationality dies.
The reason so many guys fear “catching feelings” is because it impairs their judgement. This increases the likelihood of making the wrong decision.
In the emotional fog, you might get attached to someone that’s terrible for you. On the flip-side, you might also get rid of someone that is perfect for you. Though I’ve only had 3 serious girlfriends in my life and have experienced both of these situations.
You need a way to mitigate the possibility of making a bad decision. The best way to do this is to only spend time with girls who meet your standards. With your increased value, there’s no reason to waste time with women who don’t meet your basic, deal-breaking criteria.
I’m not here to tell you what those criteria should be. The first date is used to evaluate whether a girl meets your basic deal breakers. I’m assuming that she meets your physical standards if you’re on a date with her. Now you’re seeing if she fits your mental and emotional standards as well.
If you have no non-physical standards and are just looking for attractive girls to hang out with and try to bang, obviously this article isn’t for you. And if you AREN’T looking for attractive women at all, never visit my site again. I don’t want to be responsible for what the cat drags in.
Most guys are so happy a to have sex with a reasonably attractive girl, they forsake personal standards, boundaries, and rules. Then there are guys that never give a girl the respect she earned, remaining completely inflexible about everything. It’s their way or the highway. You don’t want to be either of these guys.
The other problem if you wanna know how to get into a relationship
We’ve discussed the problem of over-abundance you’ll face as a man of quality. Since your time is more valuable, girls will want more of it. Maintaining standards is how you automatically weed out many of them.
However, you need to watch out for girls who intentionally mislead you to get more of your time and attention. The other problem you’ll face is dealing with girls who intentionally misrepresent themselves. They do this because a quality guy like yourself is too rare to let slip away.
If you’re being true to your standards, this problem won’t come up until after a few dates. If she’s physically your type, intellectually curious and emotionally stable, there may still be things you’re curious about. Is this girl really what she seems or are you in for a world of trouble?
The best way to discover if a person is a good match is to NEVER mention your standards. Just evaluate the girl and at the end of the date decide if you’ll see her again. Keep this behavior up, not only for your first few dates but for a while into the relationship.
If you’re asked, don’t lie about what’s important to you. However, don’t go out of your way to volunteer the information either.
There are some out there who say you should make your standards and expectations known right up front. While I admire the theoretical self-respect this attitude is comes, it’s a flawed application. It doesn’t maximize your happiness in the relationship.
The Hawthorne Effect will show you how to get into a relationship
There is a phenomenon known as “The Hawthorne Effect.” The Hawthorne effect states that people change their behavior according to expectation if they know they’re being observed. This is the where the old “you don’t tell the rats they’re in a maze” statement comes from.
Human beings cleverly use the Hawthorne effect to seduce and manipulate each other. To protect yourself from someone who will present false appearances, don’t mention your rules and standards. Live by them, but don’t go out of your way to let her know how important they are to you.
I can’t tell you what your rules should be. That will come with your own development and experience. What I can tell you is that having rules for who gets your time is a good idea in all of your relationships; not just your romantic ones.
When your personal rules are broken, you have to make a choice. Either extinguish the relationship or live with not being true to yourself.
if you wanna know how to get into a relationship, you’ll have to read intent
There’s another practical benefit of not mentioning your rules. This forces you to learn to read intention. Words are meaningless and actions are often deceptive. However, intent never lies.
It will get you to read between the lines. The only way to improve your intuition and ability to read intent is to make decisions without explicit information.
Sometimes you’ll be wrong. Sometimes you’ll be right. If you learn from each time, your intuition will improve. People will always tell you what they think you want to hear or what will get them what they want. To protect yourself in a relationship and avoid wasting time, this skill is of paramount importance.
tl;dr of how to get into a relationship
Date women that meet your standards. Let each time you see her be the only indication that you think she’s worth your time. Keep your intentions disguised. Let her reveal her character to you naturally.
If you follow these steps, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak. The rest is up to you.