Most women won’t immediately tell you they’re not into you.
But whether she’s a friend or a woman on the street, she’ll send you body language and behavioral signals that serve as an invitation or a warning.
These signals, whether subtle or overt signs of attraction, are just the beginning of a nonverbal conversation.
For example, a woman could be into you at the beginning of a conversation and, after a series of misunderstandings or fumbles, not be into you anymore.
This post will help you pick up on those signs a girl likes you and identify when you’ve slipped into the friend zone. Plus, I’ll give you a little advice on how to get out of the friend zone or avoid it altogether.
Her body language changes
Women have up to 3x more brain activity when evaluating another person than men. This is why women are better at reading body language cues. Nevertheless, we all have natural cues that guide us through the mating game.
By the time you actually notice that a girl is into you, she’s sent you multiple obvious or not-so-obvious signs. However, some signs, such as turning in your direction or smiling, can be signs of interest but they may not be romantic or sexual in nature.
Below are some ways to tell if the body language is romantic in nature.
Long eye contact
Eye contact among mammals is a communication device that enhances arousal and in-person social contact.1 In many animals, it’s a sign of dominance or aggression. This aggression is also a reason you’ll see fighters not making eye contact before a match—they get too fired up.
When a woman makes long eye contact with a man, however, it’s a good sign she is open to you making the first move. This may be coupled with her absentmindedly stroking her hair, exposing her thighs, or blushing.
Pay attention to your surroundings, however. It’s a misconception that women don’t like to be hit on. But when she _is _open is entirely contextual. For example, many women won’t respond well to being hit on at work, even if she does like you.
Better places are during activities where everyone is relaxed and primed for meeting new people. I don’t go to the bar anymore so here are some places and hobbies I’d recommend if you want to talk to women.
Her defenses are down
This is called open body language. Open body language is a subtle sign of attraction and interest women unconsciously show.
Closed body language looks like:
- Covering her body with her purse
- Arms and legs crossed
- Legs crossed but the knees are pointed away from you
The opposite position of these may be signs of interest and romantic attraction. For instance, loose, relaxed arms may be a signal that she is open to talking. When coupled with grooming, sticking her chest out, or flipping her hair this is usually a sign she is into you.
Wanting to talk to you
Making an effort to get close to you, “accidentally” touching you, or giving you her undivided attention are obvious signs she wants to be more than friends. Spending time together is how humans connect and if she’s filling up your personal space or going out of her way to get your number you’re probably right about her interest.
In this case, talk to her but don’t drop everything to hang out. This isn’t a way to play games but you want to be wary of becoming too accommodating. Even if talking turns into a first date, you can easily turn into the guy that just brings her food.
Another way women flirt is by mirroring your behavior. This is a device used in job interviews or meeting new people to get on the same page with them. So while it can be a sign of attraction you’ll need to pay attention for other cues to be definitive.
Signs you’re in the friend zone
It’s possible to get out of the friendzone but don’t waste your time making grand gestures. For most men, once you’re there, there’s a very slim chance she’ll reclassify you as a potential romantic partner.
You might be in the friend zone if any of these are true:
- She shows bad habits in front of you and/or doesn’t bother to make herself attractive
Outside of a relationship, if she’s ‘too’ comfortable around you this is a definite sign you are in the friend zone. Women naturally make themselves attractive the week before menstruation because of the natural mating instinct. If the girl you’re hanging around doesn’t care to hide her bad/unattractive habits, she sees you as more of a friend or brother rather than a potential sexual partner.
- She talks about the guys she likes
Men are more likely than women to be friend zoned because men see their female friends as potential partners far more often. Being her sounding board for the men in her life is not an indicator that she wants to be with you romantically. Rather, it’s more likely she sees you as the same as one of her female friends. This is even more obvious if she asks you to do things like running errands but cancels any chances of one on one time.
She might even say something like “you’re like a brother to me” or “you’re my friend.” In these cases, say “I’m not your friend.” It’s important to establish your intention as early as possible. You can do this in a subtle way but I prefer direct. Use your sense of humor if you have one, but make it clear you’re interested. You’ll not only dictate the direction of your relationship, but you’ll avoid wasting time on a girl that doesn’t see you as more than a friend.
- She doesn’t text back or the relationship is one-sided
A good sales tactic is going into a sales call with the expectation that you won’t make the sale. Or knowing you have options and you don’t NEED their business. No one likes neediness, not clients and not potential romantic partners.
It’s proven that when you have other women pursuing you, you are more attractive.2
- She avoids your subtle cues or signs of affection
This tells you everything you need to know. If at any time you make a subtle move or try a little flirty behavior, she changes the subject or laughs it off, this may be a sign that while she likes you, it’s purely platonic. Move on.
Women respect men with confidence. The reason women go for the “bad guy” is because he projects masculinity and confidence. You’re not going to get a girlfriend by being the quiet nice guy that pumps her gas and brings her food hoping that she notices.
Things to keep in mind about the signs a girl likes you
Nothing about human behavior is an exact science. What one girl does to show her interest may simply be signs of friendship with another. The best way to know is with practice making your intentions known. And the best way to get a girl is to make yourself more confident, likable, and charismatic.
So when you do find someone, here are the signs a girl likes you:
- She’ll make intentional eye contact and hold your gaze
- She shows open, unguarded body language
- She goes out of her way to talk to you
- She doesn’t treat you like her girlfriend
- She makes an attempt to be attractive around you and/or hides her bad habits
- She makes a clear attempt to get to know you
- She’ll just tell you she likes you
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Jarick, Michelle, and Renee Bencic. "Eye Contact Is a Two-Way Street: Arousal Is Elicited by the Sending and Receiving of Eye Gaze Information." Frontiers in Psychology 10, (2019). Accessed December 5, 2022. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01262. ↩
Gouda-Vossos, A., Nakagawa, S., Dixson, B.J.W. et al. Mate Choice Copying in Humans: a Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology 4 Springer Link, 364–386 (2018). Accessed December 5, 2022. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40750-018-0099-y ↩