There’s a wealth of information out there on running game, meeting chicks off tinder, and learning the bachelor side of things.
There’s little information on being in a relationship that isn’t some beta “happy wife, happy life” nonsense.
Not every guy wants to be a lifelong playboy, so I’m here to teach you how to have a happy relationship.
This is from my experiences as a man in a relationship for 6 years that’s going well with no sign of ending soon. Even if I was suddenly dumped, my advice is still valid.
That’s because I’m not giving you techniques to make a relationship last forever—no one can do that. Instead, I’m telling you how to make sure that you are happy and fulfilled.
That’s what ultimately matters. If you read no further than the introduction, remember the following: “Happy life, happy wife”. If you get that right, you’ve won the most important battle in a relationship.
Get it wrong, and you’ll hate your life and wonder why none of your relationships last.
(Read: “You Can’t Force Relationships To Develop”)
As the saying goes, “Well begun is half done”. These are the 5 essential mindsets necessary to have before entering a romantic relationship.
Become What You Want To Have A Happy Relationship
You have to be the person you wish to attract. Actually, due to the effects of hypergamy, you need to be slightly more.
What is hypergamy?
Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up” or “gold-digging”, occasionally referred to as “higher-gamy”) is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves.
If you want an intelligent woman, you need above average intelligence. If you want a fit woman, you need to live in the gym. If you want a feminine woman, you need to be a masculine male.
(Read: “The Cheap And Easy Home Gym”)
The list can go on, but the point remains: whatever trait you want, you need the same trait (or it’s masculine equivalent) at greater levels than you desire.
It’s not fair, but men don’t complain about fairness. We just adapt to get what we want.
Have A Life; Have Some Goals; Know Your Priorities
The goals aren’t to attract her. The lifestyle isn’t for her. These are for you.
No woman wants to be your top priority.
What type of man has only his work, sports to watch on the weekend, and Netflix? The type who will obsesses over a girl.
This guy doesn’t even know it, but he ruins his chances at a relationship by this self-sabotage things.
You need a mission that allows you develop your mind and body. It doesn’t need to be something grandiose that will impact the world on a large scale, but it should force you physically, mentally, and emotionally grow in a way that the world recognizes.
Unless your goal is to attract gamer girls, your video gaming hobbies don’t count. That’s because video games–while fun and enjoyable–do not come with consequences for mistakes an exposure to real stress.
Yes, you feel frustrated when you keep dying and restart, but that not only is that easily alleviated by quitting the game, you aren’t forced to control your frustration.
Anyone who’s ever sat in a chat room on X-box Live knows that people say and type anything because there are no real consequences for your behavior, good or bad.
That’s also another reason why video games aren’t suitable as a hobby, even for attracting gamer girls. They don’t make you learn anything applicable and useful in your development, I’m not talking about computer engineers who build the interface or the games.
You, the gamer, exist in fantasy world where nothing you do matters, for better or worse. As a result, you don’t get better.
This is also the same problem with pornography.
(Read: “How to Quit Porn”)
You don’t get any feedback from reality in your question to satisfy your sexual desires. As a result, you aren’t forced to become more interesting, getting in better shape, or improve yourself in any meaningful way.
Have a goals and priorities beyond the digital world. Grow and develop so you have something to offer yourself, the world, and your woman.
What Men Need For A Happy Relationship
This isn’t a piece on evolutionary psychology. However, the following are the basic facts:
Humans sexually reproduce.
For guys, most of the information used to make a mating decision is displayed in a girl’s physical appearance. It’s why we really don’t care about a girl’s personality (initially). It has no bearing on her reproductive abilities.
Women seek strength and security.
They’re physically weaker and are the vessels for growing human life. This means all displays of strength, dominance, and power are attractive to women.
This explains why murderers and drug dealers can get good looking women just the same as a professional athlete or celebrity.
Strength and power are amoral. One man’s ability to protect and serve is another man’s ability to conquer and destroy.
Forget all the modern social conditioning nonsense. This is the result of evolution. It’s occurred over the course of millions of years. 100 years of social upheaval won’t change this.
In her search for a provider and protector, she can’t tell much about you beyond your appearance. The rest of your life and your behaviors provide a clue to your evolutionary fitness.
(Read: “10 Secrets to Success”)
If you’re a lame ass, it will show in your behaviors. Only a lame ass with no hobbies obsesses over a girl or relationship.
This isn’t a hard rule, but it’s precise enough that each deviation from it increases your chance of failure. Girls should rank, at best, 5th in your life. Your method of earning income, your family, your friends and your hobbies should all rank above your pursuit of women.
Hire Slow & Fire Fast
At no point in the relationship can you be afraid to walk.
This is the hardest mindset for guys to develop. Now, the longer you’re with someone the more things should factor into the decision to walk.
However, the one thing that must never be part of the equation is fear. It’s only when you aren’t afraid to be alone that you can be happy in a relationship.
You should walk out on a date once you realize there’s no potential. Don’t do it in a weak ass way. Simply tell a girl you’re not interested, it’s not going to work out, and leave.
The first time I did this, I will admit I had liquid courage. The second time I was clear-eyed, sober and terrified. I wondered if I ruined a potentially good relationship by being unreasonable or “too alpha”.
After thinking through things and seeing her posts on Facebook, I made the right choice. Even if I got together with her, I would have had to downgrade my life and interests to make it work.
This is powerful because it forces you to deal with your biggest fear head on and fully in control: Rejection. Most guys see potential in every single girl that gives them attention. They’re afraid of prematurely extinguishing that hope.
It could be hope for a future wife, one night stand, a kiss, or even just a little attention. A sad fact is that many guys would rather waste time and money being uncertain than proactively making a decision and riding with it.
When you aren’t afraid to get rid of girls, you increase your self-esteem and courage.
You’ll have more time for hobbies or to meet better-suited prospects. I met my girlfriend because I wasn’t afraid to cut off low-quality women who were a time sink.
This also makes you more attractive.
(Read: “How to Become An Attractive Man”)
Remember, no one likes a doormat. Especially women.
A woman will emotionally manipulate a weak man to the point where it’s not possible for him to be happy in a relationship with her if it ever even gets that far.
Experience Will Help You
If you don’t know how to deal with a thing, that thing will soon deal with you. It will set the rules for engagement and you’ll be at a disadvantage.
This is true for anything with its own goals and priorities. Women are no different.
In many ways, this is how guys become “pussy-whipped”. They simply don’t understand how to or lack the requisite courage (see the last point) to deal with a woman.
All things considered equal, the more unhappy a man is in a relationship the less experienced he is with women in general.
(Read: “5 Reasons Why You’re Unhappy”)
When I say experience, I don’t mean being a hardcore player. While it’s true this lifestyle exposes you to several women, it only exposes you to them in a certain way.
The general actions and behaviors of women are such that you’ll learn just enough to make more problems for yourself.
Experience comes from working around and going to school with women, dating them, having them as friends, and seeing them in your family. The key to learning is to view their behaviors objectively.
If you view the behavior of women through naivete or bitterness, you’ll never learn and be continually miserable. A favorite saying of mine explains this perfectly:
If you view the world through rose colored glasses, all the red flags look like normal flags.
For 3 years I worked in an all-female office with women ages 22-60. I’ve got a few female friends. I’ve had 3 serious long term relationships (current one included).
I also did the PUA thing, cutting my teeth on day game, night game and everything in between. All of this gives varied experience with women and their thinking.
To get more experience with women, you have to make mistakes. These mistakes tend to leave emotional scars and make you apprehensive towards romance.
That’s fine. In fact, it works to your advantage.
It prevents impulsiveness and makes it easier for you to follow through with the steps before this section. When you lose false hope and desperation, it’s easier to start a happy relationship.
Drop The Fairy Tale & Face Reality
- There are no soulmates.
- There is no such thing as unconditional romantic love.
- Women don’t love you the same way that you love them.
- Marriage is an ideal thing in a less than ideal world.
- Girls like strength and dominance.
If any of these statements made you cringe, you’ve already lost.
While these are probabilistic statements, anecdotal and experimental research tells that these are the most likely conditions. In other words, it benefits you to treat them as fact and prepare accordingly.
The moment you deny reality, it begins to–by definition–work against you.
We live in a different world than the one our parents grew up in. The rules and expectations are different. Understanding this is the difference between confusion and anger or happiness and contentment.
Force yourself to confront human nature so you can predict it. You must face uncomfortable truths about the world to face uncomfortable truths about yourself.
This is the only way to be better and get better.