I have a lot of content about becoming a better man and meeting women, but I don’t have any content about being a woman. Mainly, because I’m not one. But I’ve gotten some demand, so I asked matchmaker and relationship consultant Dr. Taylor Burrowes to write a guest post on this topic.
What should you be doing to put yourself in a position to meet the right kind of man for a serious relationship?
It’s not about doing “the right things” or acting “the right way.”
It’s about becoming the woman you’ve always wanted to be, the woman you respect and are proud of, your best authentic self.
But if you don’t know who that is then you’re wasting your time worrying about Mr. Right. You’re focusing on the wrong thing altogether.
Generally speaking, it’s a good idea to hone your intuition, develop your boundaries, clarify your core values and ideal lifestyle. Pour yourself into your family, self-care and weed out any toxic people you have in your life.
Here are some specific steps to follow to become a high-value woman that is able to meet and be with a high-value man.
9 traits of a high-value woman
1) Be a good listener and an effective communicator
Be honest, patient, empathic and kind with your words.
An ideal man will require a woman who can support him without mothering him or burdening him with her irrational insecurities.
2) Don’t waste time in relationships that you know are going nowhere
In regards to my first marriage, the whole experience lasted for 9 years from start to finish. It wasn’t all bad, we had some good times and there was love there. That’s nearly a decade of my life that was wasted in a nowhere relationship.
We just weren’t the right match. I made a mistake. He made a mistake. We each married the wrong person. And I knew it, but I married who I thought was my best option because he felt safe.
[Definitely read this list so you know all the red flags to avoid in a man—>Red flags in men list here]
It unraveled quickly after the wedding until one day, three years later, I left. Then it took us three years to finalize the divorce and I learned a lot about myself during that time.
3) Don’t mistake attachment for compatibility
Many assume emotional intensity is a substitute for relationship compatibility, but it’s not.
You have to have all the needed ingredients for a healthy foundation.
My tool to help clients visualize how this works in an Ideal Relationship = Logic + Desire + Love.
These elements must each be fulfilled to a sufficient level for the relationship to be successful.
If you have to put a number on it to help guide yourself, consider 8 out of 10 a solid aspiration. The problems start when there’s a deficit in one area and you think the other areas can compensate for it. But it won’t.
In the case of my first marriage, all three areas were lacking significantly.
I should have known better, but no one gets into marriage hoping for divorce. Many are just naive and ill-prepared.
Despite my academic knowledge and professional expertise, I was lacking awareness in some pertinent areas that mainstream relationship advice and well-intentioned parents neglect to warn us all about.
My personal experience was no different than most.
4) Establish a good relationship with work and finances
You should not be married to your career, but you should be productive, competent and disciplined with life responsibilities.
An ideal man will need you to be trustworthy and capable of protecting his assets and honoring the family legacy.
5) Be passionate and feminine
This doesn’t mean you should wipe out all your masculine traits.
You need a healthy balance of masculine and feminine qualities to be most effective in a healthy relationship. But as the woman in the relationship, you play the biggest role in bringing softness, love, and playfulness to the dynamic.
This includes taking good care of your body, beauty, aesthetics, and overall fitness.
6) Take care of your health, happiness, and home with the utmost urgency
Emotional stability, emotional regulation and peace of mind are very important assets to cultivate.
An ideal man is not going to want to look after you like a child. Nor will he burn with desire or gratitude for you if you neglect these basic life necessities, which is what we all want.
7) Ground yourself in good principles, grace, and class
Being sexy and charming may get an ideal man’s attention, but to keep it you have to exude the qualities he wants in a ride or die life partner and the future mother to his children.
Know the right place and time to peel back the layers of intimacy with him without losing your integrity. Demonstrate self-restraint where appropriate and be more reserved with others.
Most modern, westernized women have been taught the exact opposite. They’ve been encouraged to be selfish, brash, and impulsive without consequences. And men continue to shower them with attention if they are halfway decent looking. But these aren’t the men you want attention from.
Instead of changing their own poor behaviors or inadequacies, most women just blame men yet continue to date these same types of men.
8) Develop the right skills and hobbies
If you want to work, travel, marry, have children, and do something meaningful with your life, then come up with a plan for that.
You don’t have to have a perfect blueprint, but you should be able to connect to the visceral idea of what makes you authentically happy.
What kinds of activities should you be doing that will invest and contribute to that blueprint coming true? Do more of that.
This is where you’re going to find your future husband.
You might not recognize him now if you came across him because you’re not the kind of woman he would notice either, you’re not doing the things you share in common…yet.
[It’s important to remember that you can’t force relationships to develop. Click on the link to read why and what to do instead—>Read here]
Practical hobbies and skills to help you meet a high-value man:
- Carve out time for creative pursuits, physical activities, cooking classes, etc
- Attend church/activities if that’s right for you
- Learn about other cultures, literature, art, etc..
- Practice a craft, talent, skill
- Walk to places instead of driving when possible and engage with your surroundings
- Talk to strangers politely with the aim of creating pleasant moments in their day
- Serve your community or volunteer
- Take a course of study in an area of interest (online or in real life)
- Develop any practical life skills needed
- Explore means of business/income growth
- Meet new healthy groups of people in your city over shared interests, etc.
- Prioritize family and close friends
- Get your personal/financial affairs in order
- Work on improving your personal health, fitness, aesthetics and emotional regulation
9) Find your calling
There are an endless amount of ways to explore the life you really want, you just have to have courage, commitment, and clarity on your “why” or purpose.
Do you know what your calling is?
Making conscious decisions about your life and living aligned with what matters to you will allow you to radiate contentment and beauty, naturally.
Any healthy man will be smitten by that energy and honored to claim you as his lady.
Don’t believe me? Try it and see. But you have to really commit to it and trust the process.
A final reminder about becoming an attractive high-quality woman
It’s time to start focusing on the important things and be more intentional about what and who you connect to.
Honor your time and energy with the standards of this future life you have set your sights on, and you will see it get closer day by day.
You’ll look back in a few years stunned at everything you’ve built for yourself on your own terms that came to fruition as if it were a dream come true.
Why not, you earned it! And I promise you, it feels amazing.
What are you waiting for? Or is it who? Don’t wait around to be rescued, start to clear the way for your future mister to cross paths with you.
He can take over when he finds you, but by then you’ll have proven you’re a worthy partner and teammate to yourself as much as to him.
This is how you build a healthy foundation for an Ideal Relationship with your Ideal Partner…by becoming your Ideal Self.