The emotion of sex has been causing men trouble for centuries.
From the ancient Taosits practicing semen retention to religious zealots demanding abstinence from promiscuous sexual behavior, one theme is clear…
Sex can seriously screw up your life if not controlled.
Today, we have so much sexual media coming at us from all angles that it seems impossible to avoid, and almost encouraged to indulge in sex addiction and sexual dysfunction. Sex is used to sell everything from perfume to hamburgers to haircuts.
Is it any wonder then that pornography use would become commonplace in society? Fifteen years ago, roughly 87% of college males watched porn, and 31% of college women. Today that number has climbed to 91% and 60% respectively with no indicator of slowing down.1
Outside of addiction, porn encourages poor mental habits and reinforces unrealistic ideas about life.
In this post, you’ll discover the benefits of quitting porn through my favorite method of emotional control—Stoicism.
Feel more in control of your emotions
Because of the availability of internet porn, watching porn easily becomes a compulsion. You end up watching because you’re bored or have free time rather than because you have a craving for sex. This is much like eating because it’s lunchtime instead of because you feel hungry.
When you can’t control your compulsions, you start to feel guilt and depression. Also, constantly comparing and worrying if you’ll be able to maintain an erection leads to performance anxiety.
A positive effect of quitting porn is an improved self-image, less social anxiety, and you feel more control over your emotions. Controlling your impulses isn’t about ignoring how you feel, but about realizing that these emotions are in fact a part of you. And how you react to your emotions is entirely within your control.
Honor your time and attention
No loss should be more regrettable to us than losing our time, for it’s irretrievable. - Zeno
Giving up your porn habit requires rerouting your time and energy to other things. Things like building yourself into a better man, learning a skill, building a business, etc. Time used more wisely helps you build better relationships which in turn, improves your self-esteem and overall sense of wellness.
The principle behind this is when you use your time and energy levels with more intention, you have a better chance of living a life you actually enjoy. Like Marcus Aurelius said, ‘Are you made for masturbating all day and wasting your time watching extreme fetishes and false images of women and sex?’
I took up boxing because I wanted people to remember me for something other than being the drunk guy that worked at Starbucks. What impression are you leaving on others with how you’re spending your life?
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Addiction physically alters your brain. It doesn’t matter if that addiction is to food or crack. Your brain reacts to addiction as it does to physical trauma.2 Over time, it shrinks making you more susceptible to your impulses.
Excessive porn users train their brains to have a hard time enduring difficulty. Facing difficulty relies on your ability to control your emotions.
This difficulty shows up when you can’t stay present long enough for real sex with a woman. You suffer from erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
As you become more resilient with avoiding porn, you start to notice other symptoms of porn watching subside like:
- Hypersensitivity
- Losing your erection mid sex
- Shrunken frontal lobe
- Constantly craving porn
- Loss of ejaculation
- Lower energy levels
Build more rewarding relationships
Going porn-free reboots your natural arousal, helps you enjoy sex more, and improves your sex life overall, helping you build healthy relationships. Enriching relationships improve your overall quality of life. Porn use, however, has a direct relationship with the end of long-term relationships. Studies show as porn use goes up, the more likely your relationship is to end.3
Men and women who quit pornography often report better, more respectful relationships with the opposite sex. Both their platonic and romantic relationships improve. Porn, among other mainstream media, makes you feel like you’re missing out on some big sexual adventure. But random sexual encounters are overrated and are more likely to fill your life with drama than excitement.
When your relationships improve, you are less stressed and your overall mental health and sense of wellness improve.
Appreciate things for the way they are
It’s not a surprise that porn is sensationalized. It’s documented that the porn industry routinely uses fake penises and fake ejaculate. They also film sessions over several days but edit scenes to look like the actors could go for hours.
Aside from this, women in porn alter their bodies far beyond what natural women look like. From fake breasts to surgically altered vaginas, it’s all made to enhance your enjoyment of the scenes.
When you decide to go porn free you start to appreciate real women and real sex for what it is. You stop comparing your penis to that of others and you learn to become aroused naturally.
A core tenet of Taoism is the uncarved block. This roughly translates into ‘things in their simplest state are the most powerful.’ In terms of enjoyment, sex unsensationalized and fully enjoyed in the present is the most satisfying.
How to quit porn
All addictions, including sex addiction, function as a coping mechanism to fix something that’s broken. My take on quitting porn is from personal experience. It’s not to shame you for your porn consumption or make wild claims about the negative effects of porn.
Life is better when you try to fix that thing rather than hide from it. I’ve written extensively on how to quit porn in my course Dick Detox: The Ultimate Guide to Quitting Porn and also in my 7-step guide to quitting porn article.
Here are some notes you’ll find when you read that article:
- Tools that make quitting porn easier
- Daily practices that keep you focused and improve your life
- Methods to improve your sexual life outside of watching porn
A note on quitting porn and masturbation
Porn and masturbation don’t always go hand in hand. Some people will watch hours of porn in the end without ever masturbating.
Sexual arousal is as natural as hunger. Masturbation as a reaction to that natural urge isn’t harmful…under reasonable circumstances.
The ancient stoics believed that extravagance and excess lead to destruction. Addiction thrives on excess.
Men like those in the No Fap community and forums claim that abstaining from masturbation altogether was one of the best decisions they could make for their lives. Their self-esteem improved as well as their self-image. They put their sexual cravings in their place and no longer felt beholden to the constant need for sexual dopamine or internet porn.
Learning to control such a powerful urge, pays dividends in other areas of life.
Elements of the Nofap movement will be necessary for you to give up porn use for good. Still, I believe that masturbation can help ease the discomfort of quitting porn. Also, using a tool like Covenant Eyes porn blocker could help by reducing your access to triggers.
Signs you should be abstaining from masturbation:
- Erectile dysfunction
- Constantly interrupting your day to go masturbate
- Masturbating even when you don’t feel like it
- Masturbating in public or inappropriate places
- Masturbating to cope with negative emotions
Final thoughts on the benefits of quitting porn
Stoicism requires that you take the red pill in life. It requires that you see things as they are and not merely as you wish or hope them to be. When you can be in the moment and not allow your emotions to dictate your reactions, you can find greater peace and satisfaction in daily life.
Sex is a difficult emotion to control, but once controlled you can foster better relationships with others and more respect for yourself.
Quitting porn and alcohol was the best decision I could have made for myself. I created a course called Vice Breakers to help you break your worst habits and finally leave them behind for good. You can check out Vice Breakershere.
References:
Solano, I., Eaton, N. R., & O'Leary, K. D. (2020). Pornography Consumption, Modality and Function in a Large Internet Sample. Journal of sex research, 57(1), 92–103. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2018.1532488 (accessed Jan 2023) ↩
Hilton, Donald L, and Clark Watts. “Pornography addiction: A neuroscience perspective.” Surgical neurology international vol. 2 19. 21 Feb. 2011, doi:10.4103/2152-7806.76977 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3050060/ (accessed January 16, 2023) ↩
Vedantam, Shankar._NPR.org: _Researchers Explore Pornography’s effect on long-term relationships Oct. 9, 2017 https://www.npr.org/2017/10/09/556606108/research-explores-the-effect-pornography-has-on-long-term-relationships (accessed Jan 2023) ↩
