In the last post, I talked about the 4 key mindsets you need to have before you start thinking about a relationship. These are the mindsets a man should have when he’s dating anyway, but many men relinquish them when they get into a relationship and in the process become unattractive.
Part 2 is more specific to men looking to get into a relationship. This post is about screening for traits you find most desirable. While nothing I say is vulgar, disrespectful or mean, I’m warning you right now that this post has the possibility to make you angry.
It’s going to make you angry if you date a girl with these traits or you’re a woman with these traits. I offer you three ways to deal with any feelings that might arise after from reading this post.
Close the page and don’t read any further. Seriously, I love that you read me, but you always have the choice to read other pages. The cool thing about writing is that you run the risk of pissing people off. It’s an acceptable risk as long your intentions are noble.
Remember that this is just my opinion. It’s not right or wrong. It’s not even real. I don’t take my own opinions seriously enough to even both defending them, let alone get angry over them. You shouldn’t either.
Realize that this list isn’t a binary representation. Having or not having one trait doesn’t make someone a bad a terrible candidate or a long term relationship. Having many of them significantly raises the likelihood that you are entering a world of hell.
At the end of the day, if you throw a rock into a pack of dogs then the one that gets hit is the one that barks. If this piece pisses you off, one thing you definitely shouldn’t do is share it.
That would just make more people angry and make my piece more popular. If you hate it, then you definitely don’t want to do that, right? Enough with the disclaimer.
Every trait down here can be summed up as indicators of self-discipline and foresight. Aside from the obvious problem of her cheating and what the cat brings in with that nonsense, lack of self-discipline makes it very hard to build something worthwhile (like a relationship with will last).
Functional relationships are all alike, but each dysfunctional relationship is dysfunctional in its own way. Each person has a different personality and each relationship has a different dynamic, but there are constants in the best relationships I’ve observed and in the three I’ve been part of.
Strong Relationship With Father. You could stop reading right here if you want to. This is the 80/20 rule for deciding if a girl will be a good fit for a relationship. It is the closest thing I can give you to a guarantee that (assuming you did the self-development work in Part 1) she will be great to have a relationship with it.
She is more likely to have a positive opinion of men and respect them. There is the possibility that her father was a weak man and subservient to her mother’s every whim. However, if she holds him in high regard that means he was a strong masculine influence and influenced her opinion of men in a positive way.
Non-Smoker. First, let’s state the obvious: any woman that is a substance abuser is a bad match for a relationship. Most guys understand that a crackhead is a bad choice for a relationship. The same goes for a drunk as well. Heavy drinking and hard drugs (hard drug being anything that can’t be consumed as it grows naturally) are a non-negotiable deal breaker.
For the lighter vices like smoking, you still want to avoid it but it’s not the same level as a meth addiction. Assuming you have your health in order (as you should if you’ve done the work in part 1), a woman with worse healthy habits than you will frustrate you. Smokers also have a lower level of self-discipline and self-restraint—two things you want someone to have that you commit a significant amount of time and resources to.
Restrictive Diet. Diet and exercise are often grouped into the same category. To me, they are two sides of the same coin of fitness. Though they’re both important, people seem to have a bigger problem with diet than exercise. I think I understand why, and this understanding is key to realizing why it’s important for a quality to screen for.
It seems to be easier to get a person to start a new activity than to stop an old one. More specifically, greater self-control is required to maintain a pleasing appearance through diet than exercise. Ultimately, many traits come down to discipline because it is emotionally and mentally draining (as well as physically dangerous) to be with a woman that lacks self-control.
The Nature of Her Friendships. You need to know how to assess female friendships. They aren’t conducted the same way that men’s are. There is a saying that sums up the nature of female friendships perfectly: Men insult each other but never mean it, while women compliment each other and never mean it.”
In other words, a woman that speaks unfavorably of her friends to you isn’t particularly unusual. With that said, all of the keepers I’ve met never did this. Since the point of this series is to give you the tools to set up a union that has the most chance of lasting and bringing you happiness, this isn’t a good a trait for a woman to possess.
I’m not talking about discussing a friend’s obviously poor decision making and lifestyle choices. Blatant hypocrisy is a much bigger issue. It’s one thing to criticize someone’s shoes. It’s another to criticize their drinking habits when yours are similar or worse.
Friendships with men should be assessed on a bell curve: too many male friends is just as alarming as none. Let’s forget about the assumption many guys make that she’s banging the other guys. Instead, let’s consider what we know for sure: When a woman has many male friends, there is already a masculine presence in her life. What can you, one man, hope to offer to in place of many varied men?
If you want to form a relationship with a woman, you have to remember that her well for masculine energy is finite. If it’s filled with lots of small drops ( a bunch of male friends) or one large well (a strong close heterosexual male friend or actual relationship), there isn’t room left after to actually bond and set a relationship with you.
Romantic History. Let’s continue with bucket analogy. Every time you put water in or take water out the bucket, you do a small amount of damage to the bucket. It’s barely noticeable, but eventually a dent or crack shows up. Then it’s incapable of working properly, for once the bucket is broken it is beyond repair.
This bucket likely won’t hold much water.
It’s naïve and stupid to look for virgins. In fact, the world is such that if you meet a girl that’s a virgin who’s over the age of 21 then it’s more likely that something is wrong with her.
I don’t know the exact number where you encounter a serious increase in problems (like fidelity and emotional control) but generally speaking, the more old lovers a woman’s had the less able she is to bond with new lovers. If you want to get into a serious relationship, you have to be aware of this fact.
Hobbies/Accomplishments. Beauty is a great attractor. Fun and pleasant girls are a great distraction. However, if you want to be happy in a relationship, then you’ll want someone to have a conversation with that isn’t merely a springboard or yes person.
It is at this point that I must remind you that I’m writing this guide for the man that wants to enter a relationship that will last longer than 6 months. Some dudes just want a pretty face around until they get bored of it. I’m not hating that game. I’m just saying that this guide isn’t for them.
Girls who spend their weeks drinking at happy hour, watching Netflix and working at some boring office job aren’t likely to be interesting. You need someone that at least has an interesting hobby or side gig. Thought provoking opinions are cool, but they are the result of a rich life that’s been lived anywhere besides the bar stool, on a couch, and at work.
No Bullshit Physical Disfigurations. I used to have a strict no tattoos policy. The current girlfriend doesn’t have tattoos nor does any of the two prior, nor have any girls I’ve considered seriously. However, after discussing this topic with some ladies and gentleman I respect, I’ve revised my stance.
Some tasteful tattoos probably don’t signify anything. Especially if it’s something with personal meaning (important dates or achievements). 1 or 2 two tattoos is also meaningless. However, excessive amounts of tattoos or tattoos in a place where it’d be strange if a family member touches is a red flag.
The same goes for piercings, weird hair colors or strange haircuts. Also be wary of excessively short hair. The rule about hair length is simple: if you could see the girl from the neck up and from the back, would you know if you know for sure you’re dealing with a girl? The moment you have to hesitate is the moment you are dealing with too short.
On the left yes. On the right, there’s no way you’ll be happy.
Remember: the point of this post series of posts is to serve as a guiding post for men looking to get into happy relationships. Obviously, none of this stuff matters if you just want some brief fun. However, if you’re looking to find a girl to lock it down with for 6 months or longer, it’s important to start with a strong foundation.
Part 1 laid the foundation for yourself. Part 2 laid the foundation for deciding if a girl is worth your time. In part 3 I will discuss the most likely places to look for a good long term companion as well as the general game plan for the first few dates.
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