How To Get Into A Relationship
There’s a lot of information out there about how run Game. A few searches on the internet reveals how to become more attractive, aggressively flirt with and pick up girls, get one night stands and manage multiple women. This is all good if your goals are as such. Even if you don’t want to build a modern day harem, a lot of the advice will make you better. As you become more attractive, your options increase in both quality and quantity.
Your original problem of scarcity transforms into one of over-abundance. Congratulations! According to 99% of dating advice, you’ve beat the game. You’re now on a wonderful cycle of success. You’re aloof and hard to get because you have genuine abundance and never have to settle. Your aloofness makes you more attractive, thus giving you more options. You beat the Game.
Except you didn’t because you’re a human being. Though there is a trend towards some guys discussing how to manage emotions, there is remarkably little information out there for guys who reach this stage and develop new problems. The Game and player lifestyle is cool, but what do you do when you inevitably feel like you want to be in a relationship with a girl? Most information says “fuck feelings, go get with a bunch of other chicks” or the other extreme “dive right in, use your game powers to make this work, may the odds forever be in your favor”. Both are unsatisfactory because they ignore or subjugate the reality that are your emotions.
Second, how do you decide that a girl is even relationship material? This is one of those things you only gain insight into after a few bad experiences. The problem with being a human is that sex and intimacy clouds rational judgement. Even the most hardcore player is susceptible to heartbreak. Your goal is to decrease the probability of disaster. One of the ways this is done is via a screening protocol.
Put another way, you must learn to assess risk. This isn’t a post about how to run game or how to get your value up. There is so much information on the internet about that topic that I could hardly add anything of value. Also, this isn’t a post about what to do once you’re in a relationship to ensure the best time possible. While there is considerably less information about that topic on the net, it’s useless to learn how to manage a relationship if you get into one you shouldn’t be part of in the first place. As the old saying goes, “Well begun is half done”.
I’m not going to break down the science of the matter here, but when you’re physical with someone and you spend time around them, you start to feel attached to them. The feeling of attachment is intense that all sense of rationality goes out the window. The reason why so many guys fear “catching feelings” is because their judgement becomes impaired, greatly increasing the likelihood of making the wrong decision.
In the emotional fog, you might get attached to someone that’s terrible for you. On the flipside, you might also get rid of someone that is perfect for you. Though I’ve only had 3 serious girlfriends in my life and have experienced both of these situations. It’s a shitty feeling no matter what.
You need a way to mitigate the possibility of making a bad decision. The best way to do this is to only spend time with girls that meet your standards. They don’t have to be strict matches to every bullet on your checklist, but with your increased value there is no reason for you waste time with women who don’t meet your basic, deal-breaking criteria.
I’m not here to tell you what those criteria should be, as everyone is different and has different tastes. The first date is used to evaluate whether a girl meets your basic deal breakers. I’m assuming that she meets your physical standards if you’re on a date with her. Now you’re seeing if she fits your mental and emotional standards.
If you have no non-physical standards and are just looking for attractive girls to hang out with and try to bang, obviously this article isn’t for you. And if you AREN’T looking for attractive women at all, never visit my site again. I don’t want to be responsible for what the cat drags in.
Most guys are so happy that a reasonably attractive girl will have sex with them that they forsake personal standards, boundaries and rules. Then there are guys that never give a girl the respect she earned, remaining completely inflexible about everything. It’s their way or the highway. You don’t want to be either of these guys.
The Other Problem
We’ve discussed the problem of over-abundance you’ll face as a man of quality. Since your time is more valuable, girls will want more of it. Maintaining standards is how you automatically weed out many of them. However, you need to watch out for girls that intentionally mislead you to get more of your time and attention. The other problem you’ll face is dealing with girls that some will intentionally misrepresent themselves because a quality guy like yourself is too great to let slip away.
If you are being true to your standards, this problem will not generally come up until after a few dates. She’s physically your type, intellectually curious and emotionally stable but there are some things you just can’t be sure about. Is this girl really what she seems or are you in for a world of trouble?
The best way to find out if a person is genuinely a good match for you is to NEVER mention your standards. Just evaluate the girl and then at the end of the date decide if you’ll see her again. Keep this behavior up not only for your first few dates but for a while into the relationship. If you’re asked, don’t lie about what’s important to you or what you think about something but don’t go out of your way to volunteer this information either.
There are some out there who say that you should make your standards and expectations known right up front. While I admire the theoretical self-respect that this attitude is coming from, this is a flawed application because it does not maximize your happiness in the relationship. Let me explain.
There is a phenomenon in human beings known as “The Hawthorne Effect.” The Hawthorne effect states that people change their behavior according to expectation if they know they’re being observed. This is the where the old “you don’t tell the rats they’re in a maze” statement comes from. Human beings cleverly use the Hawthorne effect to seduce and manipulate each other. To protect yourself from a girl that might put on pretenses about who she is or what she stands for, do not mention your rules and standards. Live by them, but don’t go out of your way to let her know how important they are to you.
I can’t tell you what your rules should be. That will come with your own development and experience. What I can tell you is that having rules for who gets your time is a good idea in all of your relationships; not just your romantic ones. When someone breaks your personal rules you get a choice: extinguish the relationship or live with the fact that you aren’t true to yourself.
There is another practical benefit to not mentioning your rules. This will force you to learn to read intention. People’s words are meaningless and their actions are often deceptive, but learning to see intent will get you reading between the lines. The only way to get better at trusting your intuition and reading intent is to make decisions without explicit information. Sometimes it will be wrong and sometimes it will be right, but if you learn from each time you use your intuition, it will improve. People will always tell you what they think you want to hear or what will get them what they want. To protect yourself in a relationship and avoid wasting time, this is of paramount importance.
Date women that meet your standards. Let each time you see her be the only indication that you think she’s worth your time. Keep your intentions disguised and let her reveal her character to you naturally. If you follow these steps, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak. The rest is up to you.